I’ve been thinking a lot lately about empathy and that my limited experience with health problems makes me technically incapable of empathy. I can’t know what someone who is facing major surgery feels like. I have no way of understanding the emotions of failing health. What do I know about how it feels to have a spouse cheat? I can only imagine. I doesn’t mean I don’t care deeply.
How do I support the people I love and convey caring in a meaningful way that isn’t trite or positive? I really can only confirm that their feelings are natural and understandable and that I care that they are suffering.
Why wouldn’t that be my automatic response when someone shares a hardship with me? Instead, I’ll say something like “yes, that’s bad, but it is bound to get better, things always do” or “trials have a way of becoming blessings when they are behind us.” Later I think to myself that I was not-at-all helpful.
While it may be true that things will change, it doesn’t recognize the real pain now being experienced. Instead, it encourages stuffing rather than feeling the feelings, it invalidates the person’s pain. Even though that is how I often treat myself and my own difficult emotions, it isn’t helpful.
Validating painful feelings and sitting with them in understanding is the healthy, spiritual practice of mindfulness and acceptance.