I feel complete, somehow, when I’ve been productive and accomplished some items from my list. It doesn’t matter whether they are must-dos, should-dos or just for fun; being productive gives me a comfortable feeling of satisfaction.
Perhaps it is worthiness I seek. Yes, the feeling of unworthiness is at the core of my productivity cycle. That would seem sad to me.
Judging it sad is not the middle way. Again my inner voice finds that I’ve fallen short by judging myself.
When I examine my mind, I find there a stubborn tale of gross defectiveness. I am short of “enough” without something to show for my time. The insidious story of personal lacking drives much of my doing, but recognizing that truth is a start on changing the storyline.
Examination also reveals that doing is often a source of joy, in spite of sometimes having roots of discomfort. Productivity is also necessary. I cannot cut productive action out of my life, but I can gently acknowledge when my motives for such activity include fear of inadequacy. Being gentle would be yet another sign of spiritual progress!