From time to time up with, when I’m doing something frivolous just for the fun of it, I feel guilty for wasting time. This afternoon playing with the dogs is a ready example. I was throwing the ball for them to chase. Instead of enjoying the play, my mind refused to let go of keeping me on task with productive activity. I’m having thoughts that I need to get out to the garden and start working because it’s going to get hot soon and there is a lot to do. The guilt is sick thinking as I analyze it. My garden is not supposed to be a chore. It is not for our sustenance as much as it is for my joy. If I remain present in the moment, I experience the joy of watching the dogs’ excitement and competitiveness, feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, hear the birds and the breeze in the trees, see the lake and the rippling surface. I have to concentrate on awareness of where my mind is to realize that I am on the next project instead of giving my full attention to the wonder of the moment.

Isn’t each moment truly a wonder when I am fully present? Isn’t that when I feel at ease, grateful for my countless blessings and neither striving nor avoiding anything? And since I know this to be true, why does my mind try to hurry past the present to a productive occupation?

Becoming aware of the tendency of my mind to shun the present moment is a big step towards remaining in the now. The now is all that is real. My perceptions color thoughts of the past and future, and many of them are faulty, ridiculous, and detrimental to my happiness. A few may be useful, but they too should take a back seat to my current pleasure. None of the thoughts of past or future help me relax and enjoy the pleasure of now. Writing this, I am committing to staying more vigilant of thoughts that hamper my ability to experience the now.