I noticed this morning as I admonished myself for forgetting to refill the bottle of conditioner in my gym bag, how quickly my self-flagellation snowballs when given the slightest entrée. As if the lack of conditioner was of monumental consequence, I tasted the self-loathing in my mouth. I can’t do anything right was the thought two back, waiting to push its way into the forefront of my mind. As I write this, I see this scenario is hardly believable to someone outside my head, but it is actually how it went for me this morning. I was able to see, though, how insidious my internal judger is and how unfair and hateful I am to myself. I don’t usually notice this and change my thoughts to more self-compassionate ones. Today I did and made a little progress on changing the ingrained behavior that keeps me from the sunlight of the spirit. This writing exercise helps a good bit.
Taste of self-loathing
