by admin | Jan 20, 2020 | Fear
Fear can control me if I let it. I repress from my memory things my mind doesn’t want to think about, face, or deal with, but they are still there. My ego doesn’t want me to examine myself, my mistakes and missteps. My ego is deeply invested in my continuing in fear and self-reliance instead of acknowledging my divine nature and the inherent innocence and goodness of all creation.
When I step back from a situation and my perceptions of people and relationships, I can see my part in my struggles. I can see that I refuse to accept what is, choosing instead to ruminate about how they are not right. It is the reason for all of my struggles, failure to accept. Why on earth would I choose to dwell on how things should be when I have no control? Even forgetting that I cannot change things, why do I struggle against what is, when I know with certainty that my creator loves me and wants me to relax and be happy?
by admin | Jun 6, 2019 | Fear
When was it that I started shunning simple pleasures instead of getting things done? I caught myself doing it this morning. I was lackadaisically staring out the window at the hummingbirds zooming in and out of view as they visited our feeder. I was watching their bodies move, beaks dip in the feeder hole and straighten back up, repeat a few times, and dart off. I realized I was just standing there, and my first thought was that I should be doing something useful. I have things I’d like to accomplish, and they wouldn’t get done idly gazing out the window.
When did enjoying a moment of repose become fodder for judging myself purposeless? When did playing start to make me feel guilty? What was the fear behind my finger-wagging? I can’t say I know what the fear is exactly. It is probably connected to the fear of not being good enough. I don’t know, but catching it this morning was enlightening. I reviewed the list of things I planned to do in my head and thought to myself that only one of those items had any negative consequence if not done today. I certainly had time to experience the joy of watching nature.
I took note of the reaction I’d had, tried to smile at my folly and to make awareness of this tendency a higher priority. I don’t want to miss out on the fun of life while I’m organizing my sock drawer!
by supportadmin_418 | Mar 6, 2019 | Fear
It feels better to be kind and forgiving. May I always remember that the disquiet of my mind is caused by fear-based judgments of others. When I entertain loving thoughts, love flows from me and love returns to me from others. Why can’t I stay in the grateful state of love more often? My mind has a habit of bringing hurt to the front of my mind to feel again and again. It is merely a habit, though. I can rid myself of a habit with God’s help if I’m willing to ask for it. ‘May my thoughts return to thoughts of you when my unforgiveness pushes itself into my conscious mind. May I turn immediately to thoughts of your love and my true nature as your child.’
by Design Services Admin | May 30, 2017 | Fear
A commitment requires faith in oneself. It requires believing that it already is so. I try to get there by feeling the feelings that I would have if the state I am committed to bringing into reality is so and planting them in my mind just before I go to sleep. The light goes out, I smile with gratitude for the goodness in my life, acknowledge that the joy and love in my life are not my doing, but a gift of the work I’ve done so far on letting go of the reigns and relaxing into the universe’s embrace. Then I repeat with as much concentration as I can muster, “I am calm. I am contented. I am comfortable. I am complete.” I feel the feeling of those states of mind. I believe. Many times I repeat it two or three times before I have focused in on the goal of the exercise. To embody the feelings, make them real for me. I am not always calm, contented or comfortable during my day, but I am much more so for longer and longer periods of times than I ever have been before. Planting the belief in my mind allows it to grow.
by Design Services Admin | Jun 29, 2016 | Fear
I am grateful for my journey, I am awed at the perfection of the events that have brought me to today, for all I have learned and that I have learned to share honestly. I hadn’t seen much of my friend for a few months. The holidays got in the way and her workout routine changed so that we were no longer at the gym’s mirror at the same time. We finally met for supper and I learned that she had started binging again and then been stricken with an immobilizing depression that had her crying for hours and in bed many days. I was able to share my own eating disorder with honesty and my experience and hope felt useful as we both felt less alone in the battle against compulsive eating and the cycle of self-loathing and self-punishment that overeating represents. Recognizing the fear at the bottom of the behaviors helps to begin the healing. Admitting we need help from outside, that we’ve been continuously unsuccessful with everything we’ve tried is the start of making true progress. Spiritual growth doesn’t happen without the thorn to make us work. God’s plan for me is perfect.
