by admin | Dec 26, 2019 | Lifted Prayers
Sometimes my head will continue a disagreement, particularly with leadership in my job, when I know I must keep my mouth shut. It doesn’t matter how demeaning their actions are, how ridiculous the questions they ask me, how wasteful the projects I’m told to do. It would only cause me harm to dissent.
So I say nothing. BUT, I maintain an active fantasy about one or another of them getting their comeuppance or of actually saying the snarky things that I think. It is a fruitless pursuit of justice, and it serves only to agitate me. Calming my anxiety drains my energy.
Would I rather be right or be happy? Oh, an easy choice on the surface–much rather be happy. What would that look like in my job? If I embraced the hurtful remarks, unjust criticism, and ineptitude and accepted the way things are, I could experience serenity. I know that. Why the hell can’t I do that??
Why do I allow people I do not respect to keep me from experiencing the peace and joy I long for? I give them power over my happiness when I fail to remember that my worth has nothing to do with them or my job.
God, help me to see them as you see them. Help me to love them as your children, acknowledge that they are doing the best that they can and have empathy for their suffering.
by admin | Dec 26, 2019 | Recognizing Growth
Changing my habitual feelings is a big job. First, I have to acknowledge thoughts that I wish I didn’t have and look at the genesis in an attempt to stave off a repeat. Then I have to actively think of the situation or individuals as included in God’s perfect creation with me. I give this focused attention nearly every day, but I still need lots of practice. Although it doesn’t seem to get much better, I know it is improving, however slowly, because I’m honestly engaged in working on it. Energy and time spent on my spiritual growth is never wasted.
One day, instead of experiencing the usual disappointment and frustration of noticing my perpetual, negative thoughts have once again surfaced, I’ll realize that they are less frequent than they once were and not as aggressively dominant. I imagine they already are incrementally improved. They can’t help but be as I am diligent in my practice. It isn’t a pipe dream. It always happens as it is best for my growth.
by admin | Dec 23, 2019 | Acceptance
Often in the course of a day, I find my mind entertaining negative thoughts about situations or people. It happens more some days than others, and sometimes I wallow in it for a time before I get tired of my sour attitude. I get aggravated with myself and remember that my negative reaction only lessens my ability to live as I desire—in joyful harmony with all God’s creation. I am a cog in the wheel of the world, imbued with infinite love that I can access with practice and patience.
When I catch myself resisting a situation or person, I try to notice my thoughts and feelings and first validate them with self-compassion, “anyone in my position would feel this way.” I look at how I am judging others and judging my thoughts and behavior. I purposefully acknowledge that I am doing that, that it is not coming from a place of love. Although it is a habit from my early nurturing, it doesn’t serve me or the world.
Finally, I remind myself that I want to develop a pattern of accepting my thoughts for what they are–thoughts. I want to actively work to view each person as a child of God doing the best he can and each objectionable situation as a growth opportunity lovingly offered by my creator for my good. One day, with practice, I will arrive at my destination.
by admin | Oct 30, 2019 | Letting Go
I was watching a drama set at the turn of the century in the northwest frontier. The schoolteacher was trying to manage a bully in her classroom. She told the boy who’d been pushed around that a bully is actually a frightened soul who doesn’t think much of himself and tries to take it out on others.
I thought of my boss. I know she has low self-esteem. It’s why she can’t care for anyone, can’t be genuine. She is afraid that people might see what she sees in herself. The tight grip on her image is top priority. It is a tough place to be.
Still, understanding that she is unhappy and stuck in her personal reality without authentic relationships or trust doesn’t make me less resentful when she belittles me. I shouldn’t still give her slights and barbs the time of day, yet they still sting. When I think of how little thought I will give her or the waste that has become my work when I am finished with this job, I know that this situation doesn’t matter. It is an opportunity for me to accept everyone as a child of God. It provides practice in remembering that everyone is doing the best she can. That I am as everyone else, but I can help the atmosphere of my workplace by bringing my love to it and letting go of the behavior of other people towards me. I am not responsible for what others think of me. I am responsible for what I think—of them and of me.
by admin | Oct 28, 2019 | Using our Toolbox
Many times I have heard, “just take a deep breath,” when I’m anxious. It is good advice. Usually, though, I have to get pretty anxious and uncomfortable before I actually pause to do it. I also need more than one deep breath, and I need to put my hand on my heart to feel the hard beating in order to start to moderate the intensity.
What helps the most, though, is when I smile as I’m taking a deep breath. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply and very slowly, smiling in my mind and smiling outwardly. A smile brings my gratitude back to the fore, and I feel my blessings.
