Some days I feel like I am running in place in my spiritual growth. I don’t seem to get anywhere. The same obstacles, grievances and self-centered thoughts seem to keep me bogged down working on the same problem again and again and again. I do have deeply entrenched patterns of thinking that I’ve developed over a lot of years, but I feel like I’m working hard to change them every day.
I begin my day praying that I may maintain conscious contact with God in the present moment. There I have none of the negativity and resentment massaging. They don’t exist in the present. They exist in the past and in plans for retaliation for the future. Several times during the day I have an alarm vibrating on my wrist intended to get me to pause, take stock of what I am doing and thinking and pray to choose the fork that requires surrender of the ego thoughts that require I get even. I pray for help in cultivating love for the individuals who have wronged me, remembering that they are innocent in God’s eyes and loved as God’s children same as me.
After two diligent weeks or more of this practice, I notice that the prayers are feeling more natural and my willingness to forgive stronger. Perhaps I’ve made steps in healing and spiritual growth after all.