Eleanor Roosevelt’s quip, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” is a truism I return to again and again. I still need reminding because the insidious self-doubt comes up when I perceive that I’m being treated without respect for my value as a skilled and stalwart employee with many years’ experience.
Intellectually I know that it is her own insecurity that causes my boss to undermine me and speak to me in a demeaning manner. Acting superior may make her feel superior and boost her ego. She provides a recurring lesson for me to detach from her comments and acknowledge that I want her acceptance and appreciation as a boss.
I have to remind myself that it is natural to want appreciation from my boss and to practice compassion for the suffering I feel. Finally, I have to realize that whatever her perception of me, whether it is what I suppose it to be or something entirely different, I have great value as a creative individual with skill, talent and energy that I need to unleash in another direction.
My goal is to train my mind to let go of connection with my work and silently do as I am told with regard for waste. I need to channel my creativity towards other endeavors–cooking, gardening, reading and learning, and this blog. I must separate my workaday self, who wants to stay in the job for 3 more years, from the beauty and joy of my relationships with people outside of work.