Is it possible to be free of fear? If so, what does it feel like? I think that I have been free of fear for moments at a time. I’ve at least felt contented, comfortable, safe, loving and peaceful. Fears erode all of those freedoms, the freedom to feel satisfied with what is, peaceful and worthy. When I pray for freedom from particular fear-based thoughts, I believe that I am willing to let go of that fear. On closer examination, I sometimes glimpse that while I am willing to be rid of a fear, I am not willing to accept my human experience of uncomfortable emotions and look at the underlying cause.
I have not accepted the painful feelings of betrayal in a friendship that ended abruptly when a close friend lied about me to protect herself. I play retribution scenarios in my head, wanting to hurt her back, but knowing that it won’t help. I just want her to hurt as I do and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I really want to get to neutral about it, yet I pray to develop loving kindness thoughts about her, to rise above it and be unconcerned what anyone else thinks. I want to escape the fear, not discover the reasons for it and feel the feelings.