by supportadmin_418 | Mar 11, 2019 | Acceptance
I noticed this morning as I admonished myself for forgetting to refill the bottle of conditioner in my gym bag, how quickly my self-flagellation snowballs when given the slightest entrée. As if the lack of conditioner was of monumental consequence, I tasted the self-loathing in my mouth. I can’t do anything right was the thought two back, waiting to push its way into the forefront of my mind. As I write this, I see this scenario is hardly believable to someone outside my head, but it is actually how it went for me this morning. I was able to see, though, how insidious my internal judger is and how unfair and hateful I am to myself. I don’t usually notice this and change my thoughts to more self-compassionate ones. Today I did and made a little progress on changing the ingrained behavior that keeps me from the sunlight of the spirit. This writing exercise helps a good bit.
by Design Services Admin | Jun 29, 2016 | Acceptance
My colleagues all agree on the shortcomings of our boss, saying it cannot go on and her treachery will surely bring about her downfall. I indulge in negativity about how tedious our work has become and how useless to our customers in the new regime. I can’t seem to let it go and let go of my need to find satisfaction in my work. Away from work, I think I’ve overcome the bitter frustration, but it comes right back in the right company and I find myself tearing down my fear-driven boss who lacks self-confidence and respect for the people who work for her. I behave in a way that I’m not proud of, feeling self-righteous and hopeful that the bad karma she puts out will boomerang back to her. It doesn’t feel good and I think about myself. What kind of karma am I putting out? Just because my colleagues all suffer her oppressive, fear-mongering management doesn’t mean I need to stoke the fires there. I can use the opportunity to practice letting go of things not my control and pass. Obviously, I need to work on that area. I clearly am not as self-aware as I think I am. I’ve come so far, but I have so far to go!
