Sometimes my head will continue a disagreement, particularly with leadership in my job, when I know I must keep my mouth shut. It doesn’t matter how demeaning their actions are, how ridiculous the questions they ask me, how wasteful the projects I’m told to do. It would only cause me harm to dissent.
So I say nothing. BUT, I maintain an active fantasy about one or another of them getting their comeuppance or of actually saying the snarky things that I think. It is a fruitless pursuit of justice, and it serves only to agitate me. Calming my anxiety drains my energy.
Would I rather be right or be happy? Oh, an easy choice on the surface–much rather be happy. What would that look like in my job? If I embraced the hurtful remarks, unjust criticism, and ineptitude and accepted the way things are, I could experience serenity. I know that. Why the hell can’t I do that??
Why do I allow people I do not respect to keep me from experiencing the peace and joy I long for? I give them power over my happiness when I fail to remember that my worth has nothing to do with them or my job.
God, help me to see them as you see them. Help me to love them as your children, acknowledge that they are doing the best that they can and have empathy for their suffering.