I am trying to look at my experience at work as useful suffering–valuable because suffering generates compassion.  I’ve been miserly with compassion in this work situation, both self-compassion and compassion for the boss who has oppressed me.

It makes sense that if I sit with my suffering and feel it fully, its grip will eventually loosen and the divine spirit within me will respond with compassion for me and for those who are the cause of my distress.  For a few years, I have experienced the suffering of anxiety and fear that my work situation creates in me, yet it remains present.  My guess is that I haven’t truly embraced the suffering and deliberately let the fear and anxiety flow in my body.  Instead, I berate myself for failing to accept the situation as it is and let go of the need for any return other than a paycheck from my current career.  So far, many months of diligent work on acceptance, letting go of my ego’s thoughts, and praying for my boss’ happiness and peace has not provided the relief I expected, and maybe that’s because I lack compassion for my suffering.

Tara Brock suggests the prayer “May this suffering awaken compassion.”  With constancy and focus, I can learn what it means to sit with the grief and fear that my work situation engenders and awaken the compassion in my soul for my human emotions and for my boss’ human emotions.  I will begin with “May I be willing to learn how to embrace my pain as a means of spiritual progress.”  Patience and adherence to the middle road will be important in this endeavor, but I am confident that acknowledging the deep hurt I feel will nurture tender thoughts, self-compassion, and compassion for my fellow journeyers.